Sanchai chaina

I’ve spent the last month and a half doing my best to support and practice cultural relativism. Every time I send an email about what shocks me, surprises me or simply irritates me about Nepal, one of my friends –especially those who studied Social Sciences- replies me with a simple answer: “it’s cultural.” I immediately nod and repeat: “of course, it’s cultural.”

But, my friends, I have to make a confession: Nepal is making me lose some of the respect for the “culture-justifies-all” response.

The thing I like most about the family stay is having long conversations with my mom. She tells me things about the Nepali culture that I can not learn from the books. Yesterday, we had a long conversation after dinner. We talked about the role of women in this society. For some reason, every time I ask her about that, she ends up talking about the menstrual period. I guess it is because it plays a crucial role in defining their roles and activities.

She explained me that when a Hindu woman has her period, she is not allowed to worship or cook for her family. After me insistently questioning what the reason behind these restrictions is, she told me: "it has been scientifically proven that women transmit diseases when they have their period." OK, if there have been some tests run in Nepal to prove it, I take it…

After that, she told me that when a woman has her first period, she is locked up in a dark room for 11 days. During this time, she cannot leave while there is day light and it is forbidden for her to see her male relatives. She ended the story asking me "it's funny, isn't it?” Oh, yes, I really regret not having gone through that experience when I was 12 years old.

Irony aside, I find these kinds of prejudices not only ridiculous, but also very harmful. In some places of the world, menstruation can be a reason for girls to drop out of school. They feel embarrassed, so they just prefer to stay home.

Leaving this topic behind, we began to talk about marriage. I asked her what she thinks about the possibility of her children marrying someone who is not Hindu. She explained me that she considers that would be a bad decision, because families must follow the Hindu tradition. I told her I consider myself an agnostic person and my husband is Jewish; he fasts on Yom Kippur and doesn’t eat bread during Passover, and we are very happy together. Obviously, nothing of this sounded convincing to her because "Hinduism is different."

And I accept her position, because I respect people who choose to marry somebody from their own religion to maintain traditions alive. However, I mainly respect it if it is a personal decision and not one made by their parents.

But in Nepal things are always more complex. It’s not only about marrying someone who observes your religion, but also someone from your own caste. That is when things begin to be less comprehensible for me.

When cultural traditions include denying water to a group of people because they are "impure," the cultural factor begins to make me feel less comfortable. And it perturbs me that the rules are always detrimental against the same groups. I had this discussion with a friend who studies Anthropology. I told her that it can not be a coincidence that around 50% of Nepali women are illiterate. Her answer? “Literacy is a western value.”

I am sorry, I can not buy it. Literacy does not only mean being able to get a Ph.D. It also means being able to be aware of your rights, and to know you are entitled to get your children immunized from diseases that have had a cure for decades. I can not help thinking there are some things that are universal. Trying to keep your child healthy and alive is one of these. But maybe I’m wrong and it’s just a mental construction imposed by my culture…